Real Parents

Real Parents

When a couple adopts a child, many questions are asked about the child. Questions like where is the child from? How long did it take to adopt? Why did you choose adoption? How much did it cost? What agency did you use? What is the child’s story? Where is the child from? But the Number One question that is always asked of adoptive parents is, “Who are or where are the child’s real parents?”

I know from personal experience that the Number One question is always asked by people that are genuinely concerned about the adoptive child and the family the child now lives with. The question is asked out of ignorance of the adoptive process and I know it is not meant to hurt the Adoptive Parents. But the fact of the matter is the question of who are the real parents when asked can cause deep pain for the Adoptive Parents. The impression is given that the Adoptive Parents are not the parents of the child. I am sure the persons asking this question do not want to leave that impression, but nonetheless it often is the impression an Adoptive Parent is left with.

It really is just a matter of terminology. An adoptive child actually has two sets of parents. There are the Birth Parents – the couple involved in the physical act of conceiving the child and delivering the child into the world. Then there are the Adoptive Parents – the parents that raise the child from when the child was separated from the Birth Parents to adulthood and beyond.

As stated above, Birth Parents conceive and deliver the child into the world. In both domestic and foreign adoptions, a situation arises where the Birth Parents can no longer raise the child. At this point the child is removed from the Birth Parents either voluntarily or by the order of the prevailing legal system. In domestic situations, most children end up in the state run foster care system, as orphanages are limited. In foreign situations, most children end up in state run orphanages. Arguments are constantly being made on which system is superior. Either biological family members or friends of the Birth Parents take in small minorities of children. For most adoptive children, they never see the Birth Parents again. A very small number do search for Birth Parents as adults.

Since the Birth Parents are unable or unwilling to raise the child, the role of parenting now is entrusted to the Adoptive Parents. Adoptive Parents feed the child. Adoptive Parents clothe the child. Adoptive Parents send the child to school. Adoptive Parents put the child in extracurricular activities. Adoptive Parents meet needs such as obtaining glasses, dental braces, and other health care for the child. Adoptive Parents teach the child how to dress. Adoptive Parents teach the child how to interact with others. Adoptive Parents teach the child how to drive. Adoptive Parents send the child to summer camps. Adoptive Parents send the child to college. Adoptive Parents love and nurture the child. Adoptive Parents pray for the child. Adoptive Parents take the child to church. Adoptive Parents even argue with the child. Adoptive Parents sacrifice for the child. Adoptive Parents will advocate for the child. Adoptive Parents become grandparents to the child’s children. Adoptive Parents fulfill all the functions of every parent currently raising their own biological children.

Unlike Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents have a lot to prove before a child is given into their custody to parent. Adoptive Parents must prove to the local social services that they are competent. Adoptive Parents must prove financial stability. Adoptive Parents must have a criminal background check complete with fingerprints. Adoptive Parents may need State and Federal approval to adopt. Adoptive Parents adopting from foreign countries must prove the same items to the child’s birth country and submit a lengthy dossier. Adoptive Parents must take counseling before they can adopt. Most Adoptive Parents wait over 12 months to receive their child. Adoptive Parents spend thousands of dollars for the adoption process and have to seek aid from many different sources. Adoptive Parents must appear in court and submit to medical examinations.

Now the question I have to ask is, “Are Adoptive Parents real parents?” I can assure you that Adoptive Parents are the child’s real parents. An expression I have often heard from persons working in the social services field is, “Just because you can breed doesn’t make you a parent.” It is a crude expression but a true one nonetheless. When you start to explore the world of adoption, whether domestically or foreign options, you will be shocked by the vast number of children that have been thrown away. If you grew up with your Birth Parents or are currently being raised by them, you have a forever family. More Adoptive Parents are needed all over the world to provide the parentless children with a forever family.

My wife and I are Adoptive Parents. We are real parents. We go through the same struggles raising our daughter as other real parents. Due to our adoption process being foreign, we have the privilege of having even some extra challenges in raising our daughter.

When you encounter a family that has adopted a child and you really want to know who the child’s real parents are, you can be sure they are standing right in front of you. Like other parents in this world, you can be sure that Adoptive Parents love their children just as much as you love yours, maybe more.


By Steven William Freiman
Copyright@2008 Steven William Freiman

A Modern Parable

I saw the cartoon and then someone sent me the email and I could not resist adding this to the blog. I am so amazed on how all these corporations need bailing out. I wish someone would bail me out. But oh well, people like me are the Peed On. Whoops, I mean the Peon's. Hee hee hee



A Modern Parable.

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order; American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid-off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.

The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.

Sadly, the End.

Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages.

TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US The last quarter's results:

TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.

Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses...

IF THIS WEREN'T SO TRUE IT MIGHT BE FUNNY

But don't worry we [the tax payer] we will bail them out so we can continue their medocricy....

Got a Third One Published

Here is a third essay. This one may be a foundation for a full length book someday.

http://www.stationhill.com/religious/religious036.htm

What John Wayne "The Duke" Wanted for Thanksgiving

This is good. Again, not about feasting and football but something that really matters. Something we should all be thankful for.

I am so amazed how our values have changed in just a few years. And I wonder where we really are headed for as a culture and nation.

Enjoy the video clip and the Holiday.

The Real Meaning of Thanksgiving Part II

Now let us consider the words of our 1st President and Founding Father of our country. George Washington led the colonies through 12 years of war and 8 years as 1st President of our nation. Carefully consider his words.

George Washington's 1789 Thanksgiving Proclamation

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor; and Whereas both Houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me "to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:"

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enable to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted' for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have show kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand, at the city of New York, the 3d by of October, A.D. 1789.

George Washington

The Real Meaning of Thanksgiving Part I

What is the real meaning of Thanksgiving? For Americans in this Post Christian era, it has come to mean 2 days off from work and here in Texas, a Cowboy's home game. It also means a crazy shopping day on Friday and if you are lucky, seeing a movie on the big screen. Yes, in many parts of the country as well as here, people travel to see their families. There is a huge set-up, feast, and clean-up - which most men get out of due to the football games. Yes, I have been guilty of not pitching in just to watch the Cowboys - but I am getting better.

In this post and the one after it, I ask you to not only reflect on the secular aspect of Thanksgiving, but also on the Spiritual. For those of us living in America, we have been truly blessed more than anyone in the entire world - regardless of how much money we make. That being said, let us honor the Creator and Provider of our country and not Bacchus this year.

The First Thanksgiving Proclamation (June 20, 1676)

On June 20, 1676, the governing council of Charlestown, Massachusetts, held a meeting to determine how best to express thanks for the good fortune that had seen their community securely established. By unanimous vote they instructed Edward Rawson, the clerk, to proclaim June 29 as a day of thanksgiving, our first. That proclamation is reproduced here in the same language and spelling as the original.

"The Holy God having by a long and Continual Series of his Afflictive dispensations in and by the present War with the Heathen Natives of this land, written and brought to pass bitter things against his own Covenant people in this wilderness, yet so that we evidently discern that in the midst of his judgments he hath remembered mercy, having remembered his Footstool in the day of his sore displeasure against us for our sins, with many singular Intimations of his Fatherly Compassion, and regard; reserving many of our Towns from Desolation Threatened, and attempted by the Enemy, and giving us especially of late with many of our Confederates many signal Advantages against them, without such Disadvantage to ourselves as formerly we have been sensible of, if it be the Lord's mercy that we are not consumed, It certainly bespeaks our positive Thankfulness, when our Enemies are in any measure disappointed or destroyed; and fearing the Lord should take notice under so many Intimations of his returning mercy, we should be found an Insensible people, as not standing before Him with Thanksgiving, as well as lading him with our Complaints in the time of pressing Afflictions:

The Council has thought meet to appoint and set apart the 29th day of this instant June, as a day of Solemn Thanksgiving and praise to God for such his Goodness and Favour, many Particulars of which mercy might be Instanced, but we doubt not those who are sensible of God's Afflictions, have been as diligent to espy him returning to us; and that the Lord may behold us as a People offering Praise and thereby glorifying Him; the Council doth commend it to the Respective Ministers, Elders and people of this Jurisdiction; Solemnly and seriously to keep the same Beseeching that being persuaded by the mercies of God we may all, even this whole people offer up our bodies and souls as a living and acceptable Service unto God by Jesus Christ."

Dancing Christmas Lights

Starting to get the Christmas stuff early this year. Love Christmas Lights in the neighborhoods and around town. People go all out down here in Texas. The only thing missing is the snow. Now here is a video that should get you in the mood.